Odi et Amo

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My head in some Latin words. The difference between 3 and 5.

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.

Nescio, sed fieri sentio et exrucior. -Catullus

Some Maniac told me that. And it makes the difference between 3 and 5.

Yesterday

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You say that you are on my side
These things you speak of
I do not need to know
I am not upset for what has been done
It is the things you say before that inflicted this thing
Do not worry I’ll get over it too.

You have accepted it too
You will never be again on her side
She is my mom, one thing
I am sure of
Is that the damage has been done
How long this was to carry, was she supposed to know?

How are you supposed to know
What I was doing. Were you there too?
I’m tired of this all, I am done.
I am fully on your side
But I am not the one to tell of
This to, I need not to be part of this thing.

In her head she may ponder some thing
We will never know
What she thinks of
If she too
Is on her own side
Or none at all, will she be done?

Some things we have done
Yes, we can call it a thing
And throw it to the other side
Of everything we know
To be right and normal too
But what is that made of?

What do we know of
To mend what has been done?
You can be frustrated, but pleasant too
This dark side
Too shall pass, I know
For one day this will fall side.

This Life

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I think that I am simple, though I know it is not true. At times, which are most random, I turn away from you. I don’t know why I do this, and pull back in my shell, but times it seems this is a living hell. I know this is not true, and that statement is not fair, since this revelation, since this trip to where I dare. You are concerned, the misery waves over, you stand so strong, you keep your composure. I meant not to burden you with all of this worry, just allow me to be locked inside of my head, the enclosure. I may be a part of your world so small, though to others I seem to be nothing at all. I am who I am, and I am me. I am everything that I want to be. I resist your pressures, you world out there, what you think of me, I do not care. I look at your actions, never judge. Judging is the way to lose yourself, the one you already don’t know, yourself. I have searched and searched, no I shall not find the one who is interfering and changing my mind. I do not have all mapped and figured, there are too many things that I wish I knew, no worries I will not try to come across as one who knows more than I do. I think inward, with, around and around, again and again, the memories and ideas that I can’t lay down. So many, I know, can’t reach them all, but I can pick and choose to make sense of the small. I often forget, but not what you would guess, for this my life and my mind of progress. I try to reach the end, the end, the goal, and little does that happen without seeing a soul. A soul to help or a soul to see, we try to get along, yes, we, you and me. We run and we run all through this time, all through this map of learning and rhyme. Sometime the scheme gets lost and jumbled, but fear not for the lines to come will leave us humbled.

Blur

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Blur

Go forth, now listen, the old man sings. Think not fear not, there is no need. Time will come, ready or not. Do not hold your breath. The steps you take, along this path, they may take you somewhere. Forward. Maybe. Or back to the past. Circles, they rarely end, but look now to find the slit. Get out, run, run from its grip fear not for what has happened. The past is past and the time will come, fear not for what has happened. Accept, though change, though change doesn’t happen. Breathe, let go, the time will come, so worry about it later. Breathe let go, the past is past, no worries, for it is later. Time is time and then it is gone, Fear not for what has happened.